And now OP will also impacted more than this time. This isnt purely your boyfriends decision to make. This will also not allow my boyfriend to secure a bank loan to start up his own business hes been dreaming of starting for a few years, this was the year he planned on. I would drop it after a really good discussion. If your BF pays this bill, it will stay on his credit reports as negative credit for the next 7 YEARS and will negatively affect his credit rating for the ENTIRE TIME it's on his credit reports. Do note though that the potential fraud investigation isnt that likely to be very fast in reaching a conclusion - I just mean that going down that route wont be a magic bullet to instantly get your credit way better. He was adamant he didn't know anything about the credit card or the apparent enquiries on his credit account about pay day loans. Your boyfriend is not thinking clearly. NTA-It can be hard to do that to family, but like you say, there are 2 options here. And honestly, hes just your boyfriend. This is how the rest of your future with him will be. 2-3 years is a lot, and it could be longer because life happens. Are you comfortable entwining your life with someone who is too conflict avoidant to have your back? I cant tell you the answer because my knowledge of your situation is limited. Typically, he'll bypass a handshake and go straight for the hug. Ahh yes sorry, my misunderstanding. If he ever wants to do anything regarding money or finances at any point in his life hes going to need to do option one. https://www.oaic.gov.au/privacy/data-breaches/identity-fraud/#:~:text=Report%20the%20fraud&text=Contact%20the%20organisation%20or%20agency,Cyber%20Security%20Centre%20at%20ReportCyber, Your boyfriend is responsible enough to start his own family, which means he will not allow anyone to steal that family's resources and will start the fraud proceedings immediately, or, He has other priorities he is always going to put over any family he starts with you and you'd better get used to it -- it'll be your money next time, Needs to pay owed debt + fees in say 60-90 days. You can't control what he does in the end, you can only control your actions. I'LL STEAL YOUR RV!!! I know I had a job her in the US over 24 years ago that required a credit check. So your bf is willing to make you suffer with putting your life on hold because hes too scared to file criminal charges against someone who committed a crime against him? This will all go as evidence in our favour in securing the loan. But stop asking him to pay rent and just kick his a** out., Hes a freeloading, lazy drinker. Its such a messy situation. Thank you Ill need to show my boyfriend, His thief relative is to blame for that not you two. I like this They have stolen your chance of having your dream home together. Is that supposed to fall on your shoulders entirely? "Do you think what my boyfriend is asking for is reasonable or not? They have stolen your BF's chance to start his own business. He is grossly taking advantage of you., You said he could get a job but he wont, hes mooching off of you. My apologies.. His inaction affects your finances and your life plans, so you have every right to get involved. NTA, I think you should look at it reasonably and practically. That should be unspoken. Maybe not directly, but if youre sharing responsibility enough to buy a house together there is an inevitable division of expenses happening, and if hes got less money from paying this debt youre gonna end up picking up the slack. Presumably your Credit shouldnt be affected, 100% agree, some serious and hard conversations need to be had, I cant get the loan in my name alone because I have student loan debt that affects my borrowing power from the bank. NTA - But if he refuses to push the fraud investigation your BF is. Are you able to get any of that deposit back? For many in the thread, they questioned what kind of person would comfortably ask their partner's family for such a thing. If someone defrauded you out of thousands of dollars, you HAVE to confront them about it. Option 2 sets us back at lease 3 years in starting a family and our lives as home owners. Most people I know only know their credit score upon going to the bank for a mortgage. Your fiance needs to have all 3 credit reports pulled (Different items show up on different reports as not all companies report to the same agency) AND have his criminal history, ID and driving records checked too to verify that they are correct. I completely sympathize with not wanting to sell his body as a construction worker, but youre not paying to finance his Wall Street bro dreams., Either he gets a real job and contributes, or you kick him out. When bf takes the no conflict approach, he's deciding for the two of you. This is not reciprocated tho from them to him which saddens me also. I would leave him in that case. This is someone you want to start a family with, dont be rash about a decision to leave him without understanding exactly why hes choosing option 2. And that stands for nearly any decision made while yall are together. He expects you to put your life on hold for 2 years and subsequently help pay for his criminal family members debt. Either way this is going to delay a huge life goal you worked hard for. Option 2 should come with a foot massage for the fraudster. If your BF can't see that then it may be time to reconsider where you go from here as from my viewpoint your BF is prioritising a thief over you. You cannot fix how his family treats him and how he is with them. - Reddit Stories, r/ProRevenge | I GOT MY NEIGHBOUR ARRESTED!!! And then it will be tied to you as well. Hell a vibrator is a better man than him already kristiswright, NTA. She may just have to cover the extra $50 or $100 here and there so that bf could pay off the debt. Help keep the sub engaging! Very good point. Being in a rough situation does not make it okay to defraud someone out of thousands of dollars. NTA but you might want to rethink this relationship because it will absolutely impact you if that's his attitude. All the way in 2007, people were already talking about " strategic incompetence " or deliberately doing something badly so you're never asked to do it again. Its hard to believe hes never had a credit check before. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. My boyfriend is still refusing to open any fraud investigations against his family member . NTA - where was this family members compassion when they stole and defaulted your husbands credit card? You say he's conflict averse and that's why he's choosing option 2. But I mean. Then his sister started asking for money and he refused to say no because she would get upset because she "knew we had it to give". The person needs to be held accountable otherwise it will just keep happening. The salesman admitted that without it he would not have been given the loan. Is he going to be this milquetoast standing up for your children, too? Youre looking at sharing a house and a life together, is the bulk of that supposed to come out of your pocket since your boyfriend is happy to let a relative steal from the pair of you? Please go to grad school somewhere else and get your own life going. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. Your priority will be your progeny and I would hope same would be the case for your partner. First, many offered this important rule of thumb for anyone considering living with a partner who makes significantly more or less than they do: Couples splitting rent evenly should go by what the person who makes the least can afford. Another point is that while I don't know weither their finances are split the 5k have to come out of some kind of budget so OP would pay for it as well in some way. NTA. If the credit card company passes it to a collection agency that's a whole new mark on the credit file for a further 6 years too. That's not fair to you. NTA but you need to take a long, hard look at this relationship. I'd ask him why making his family member uncomfortable and facing consequences for a crime they committed is too much of a conflict for him but dragging you into it, making your future uncertain, and making you unhappy and disappointing you is totally fine and okay in his conflict-avoiding book. Should I model the rest of my education around him? They also indicate that he is unaware of their activity. This is red flag galore., This person in no way, shape, or form is a good life companion., He even said that you paying all the bills doesnt matter because with or without him they would still be there. The best, absolute best case scenario is your boyfriend is a weak coward with no spine. It just seems odd that the other relative paid of the debts at one point in the past. He is allowing a family member to destroy all your plans together. You have been exclusive with this person for 10 months. The stakes will only get higher, and the impact more severe, after getting married. The father of said baby is the sister's fianc, in case you were wondering if this could get way worse. He's putting his thieving relative OVER you. I dont think my bf is thinking clearly. Its already affecting you right now. He has 24 hours to file charges or you are gone. This past year, the term has gotten an update and become a popular talking . Buy a car? Are you sure its not your boyfriend that has done the spending? Think long and hard before making a life here. I could probably attend graduate school there," she, "The only issue is, he wants me to pay half the rent and half of all our expenses," she continued. America is big about credit scores, from my experience, especially when it comes to identity theft and fraud. - Reddit Stories, r/MaliciousCompliance | I MADE MY CO-WORKERS DEAF!!! I knew a guy who had his identity stolen. First, he's fine with the cat. He's not taking your needs into consideration. (although, also think about how the bad credit is going to affect you in the long term), Good spinal health is important, dont want to be excessively going for expensive chiropractic appointments for a weak spine. My credit card checks my credit for me,Credit Karma also sends me emails when my score goes up or down by ten points or more. ", "Where I come from, we share our excess wealth with loved ones; we dont send them a bill. A credit lock or freeze doesnt usually stay on indefinitely, it usually has to be renewed every so many years. Want to take advantage of those 0% finance deals at the furniture store? I really hope he grows a backbone after reading this. Im sensing you are missing part of the story. He needs to file charges to get the accounts fixed and quickly repair his credit score. "I and my boyfriend stumbled upon the topic of kids. If someone says something dumb once and you don't want to call them out on it, sure. He'll always be a doormat. I live in Victoria, Australia. He needs to report it. Look, there are exactly two possibilities here: If he's THIS much of a doormat now it will only get worse for you. We hold major institutions accountable and expose wrongdoing. California residents can opt out of "sales" of personal data. Him not taking action means your house takes longer to be build. It can get much worse and last many, many years. "Really, you should sit, have a discussion about the living standards you both want, how much you can afford, and come to a compromise before you even consider starting to look at places. So he has no reason to think he hasn't gotten away with it. It needs to be treated that way. NTA but there's another angle: most new businesses fail. It doesn't just effect him, it effects you. I want my boyfriend to proceed with fraud charges and investigation. But he knows now and he's refusing to do literally anything about it. If not, leave him to his family dynamics so you dont invest more time and effort in this relationship. AITA for telling my nephew about family dynamics that his parents didn't want him to know AITA for wanting to meet my "daughter" after giving up my parental rights? Christ. Then when this comes to light he doesnt even want to address it with his cousin. Find someone who is as motivated and up to your level instead of someone who uses/abuses you and your kindness., You can get a better man than him. [UPDATE] AITA for asking my boyfriend to charge his family member for fraud? Your knowledge in this will really help, Im hoping my bf is receptive to all these comments and input from strangers willing to offer their advice. His response of the relative "going through a hard time" is cowardice and nothing more. You can tell him that buying a house together will impact your credit, and you are not comfortable joining your finances in a major purchase unless he files charges to ensure this never happens again. The other options include being a liar and/or an idiot. (Reddit Cheating)Hi, Redditors thanks for stopping by my YouTube channel!This c. It would, directly or indirectly. Is it still within your means to purchase the house you want? This would be a deal breaker for me. 2 weeks ago we fell in love with a house and we put down an initial deposit to hold the property. If he let's this go, are you also supposed to just accept being taken advantage of by people in the future as well? Please note I've been in credit and collections for 30+ years so I hope you know that I'm giving this information from concern. The family member should 100% be charged with fraud because that is exactly what they did. Honestly this might be a relationship defining moment that might never recover regardless of the outcome. "AITA for not allowing my best friend to crash at my house after his wife died?" This isn't about a friend wearing out his welcomethis redditor's friend is trying to raise a 3-year-old. They still count against your score. Account isnt closed, its still open. Hes already taught them theres no consequences if they spend money they dont have. I also want you to foot half the bill for the place I choose.'. They lost any right to throw around the family card when they knowingly and willing committed fraud against a family member. This might not be the only time such an event happens, how could you trust him to have your back in the future? NTA. Do you really want to drown five grand to pay off a debt you two didn't even charge? Either he is a complete pushover, or knew about the charges. Imagine how hard it will be to leave someone when there are children involved. Personally, anyone comes for me can get it back. ", "Deeply consider why a man who is so far into his career that he makes $300,000 per year and is about to go up to $500,000 is dating a college senior.". Hey, OP, are you sure this family member wouldnt persuade your bf to give them a job or make them a partner when he starts his own business? So if you two were married and a family member of his committed fraud would he just say " shucks honey WE will just pay it"? When he was finishing his master's, I knew he couldn't afford to go out on dates the way we used to when he worked full time. When you're 22, the answer to all of those questions is always 'Never! Talk him into pressing charges.. that is such a shorty thing to do to a family member.. does the person in question still keep in touch regularly? We were advised the default will disappear in 2 years and the score will increase given no additional defaults. November 12, 2021, 6:20 am. I agree, but I think OP should probably know sooner rather than later if hes such a pushover that getting him to make decisions that dont harm both of them requires threat of leaving. Even when he can get one, the interest rate is going to be extremely high. "Mom, you're aware that OP and I found floor plans for our dream house. Every time you go to finance something it will come up. Seriously, keeping records is tedious but can save your bacon when things come into question. If you have a baby with a person thats willing to let a theft of this magnitude go.YWBTA. I think his decision might be selfish but I think my opinion might be selfish also He will always put his family over you. My family also thinks it is really unreasonable for my boyfriend to ask me to pay these expenses when he makes enough money to support the both of us easily. This is a slap in your face, asking you to pay half of the expenses. Are you really sure that your boyfriend is being truthful. My credit is perfect But if you think that this is a once and done deal and that bf would draw hard boundaries from now and that this is the only trouble-maker in the family, maybe you could handle it. The point is to get an investigation started so banks can be put on notice and they can begin their own investigations. Thank you Its not worth a lifetime of disappointment. This has devastated us and put a massive delay in our plans. I agree, there is clearly no compassion. By continuing or choosing OK, you accept that we and our partners use cookies to improve our website's performance and provide you with a customized user experience, including by measuring website traffic and deliver ads that are more relevant to you and your interests. NTA, but involve the greater family in this first, if there is anyone else that wants to rescue the person that did this by paying the bill then thats the only way that person should get out of the responsibility for what they did. NTA. Has he not checked his credit since 2019? If he goes with option 2 that means you loose the deposit you already made to hold the lot right? NTA - but I strongly urge you to not take any further steps in this relationship until he's gone to therapy to tackle his avoidance of conflict. Self care and ideas to help you live a healthier, happier life. NTA. One man, Ok_Pair_4865, posted on Reddit's 'AITA' subreddit after getting into an argument with his partner to ask if it was wrong to ask him to be tested for autism before they have kids. So AITA for pushing my opinion on my boyfriend? I don't know about where you live but a default will affect your credit score for 6 years from the date of the first default where I am. I was fine with that. Notice: keep documentation on payments and cancellations for at least a year and check your credit history and score at least once a year and more often if you are planning a big purchase.) Large deposits are going to be required by rental companies and utilities. Seriously, think long and hard before you legalize your relationship. Youre NTA, but please see your boyfriend for who he is. 1. Most adults pay to house themselves, be it rent or a mortgage., You are inching towards a year of being taken advantage of., Id give him 30 days notice to move out (or whatever the minimum requirement is in your jurisdiction)., Hes being lazy and cheap and a mooch. I know he is worried about his mum and how she will react to this when and if she finds out. Reporting on what you care about. Were they thinking about you guys? Please tell me you haven't called all of the third parties involved so he doesn't have to face any consequences of his conflict avoidance. I don't think he would necessarily be TA for refusing to press charges, but refusing to even confront the problem isreally bad. But if he won't charge for fraud, then I would drop him along with it. This will also not allow my boyfriend to secure a bank loan to start up his own business he's been dreaming of starting for a few years, this was the year he planned on. Good luck! NTA but should you be buying a house and essentially taking out a loan in the hundreds of thousands value with someone who is fine with having money stolen and being ok with just paying it off to avoid conflict? Last time we chatted, we debated over, "My boyfriend currently makes around $300,000 per year and just received a job offer in a city across the country that would pay him over $500,000 per year with bonuses. I always keep transactions codes when verbally dealing with agencies on the phone (I take notes- names, conversation points, amounts, auth/transactions codes- on verbal transactions/disputes on notepad then save them), I take screen shots of online transactions as well as save prints to pdf and I save all mail/email transactions. You would still have the mortgage and home insurance if he didnt live there., But I bet food has gone up, electricity has gone up. One of them being we were going to try for a baby mid next year before completion of our house. Even with a decent credit score, what's the collateral? Also place a fraud alert & lock his credit reports so no one else can use his identity. Your BF is giving you a preview of your life with him. - Reddit Stories, r/EntitledParents | CRAZY MOTHER LEAVES 8 YEAR OLD TO GO ON HOLIDAY!!! Timestamps:00:00 Intro00:29 Story One07:43 Story One Update12:33 Story Two17:02 Story Two UpdateIf you would like to support me these are my links below! Unless her boyfriend charges his family member with fraud, OP is right that it's going to take a long, long time for his credit score to improve. This was not some kind of accident. if you guys get married you agree its marital property and he doesnt really lose anything. To me it is a deal breaker. 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